Because of my treatment schedule, I was not able to attend church services on Easter morning, and it was hard for me. After losing dad in 2010 and Sara in 2011, Easter has taken on a much deeper meaning. I can find joy even in the loss, because I know and trust that they are celebrating every day with our Heavenly Father. I can trust that those I love and miss are still alive because of the pain and suffering Jesus went through for us.
The title of the message from our Pastor at Easter was “Finding your Hallelujah.” Even though I didn’t get to hear him speak, I have spent time reflecting on what that means for me. I think each of us has a responsibility to find it out for ourselves according to where we are at the time.
My brother Steve gave me the book “Man’s Search for Meaning” by Victor Frankl. In the book, he says. “that to ask what is THE meaning of life is like asking a chess master, “What is the best chess move?” Well, there is no “best chess move.” It depends on what’s going on in the game. And it’s going to change with every game, it’s going to change with every turn, as another piece is moved.
With life, we have to not only find out what our hallelujah is for ourselves, we have to keep figuring it out depending on what’s going on in our life.
That’s why I think Sara always said in her motto Choose Joy, that the most important word is not joy, but rather it is choose. We have to choose everyday what brings us joy and we have to choose our hallelujah with the changes and tests that come in life.
“Do not abandon yourself to despair. We are an Easter People and hallelujah is our song.” Pope John Paul II
This quote from Pope John Paul II sums that up well for me. It’s remembering…we are an Easter People. Jesus made sure of that. We have to choose to step out of the way and trust Him to guide us and lead us.
So when I feel despair coming on, I can’t abandon myself to it. I must choose to surrender to Him and trust that God is walking beside me and leading me to the Hallelujah.
As difficult as it is to walk this cancer journey I know that God is with me and will never let me fall. It doesn’t mean it won’t be hard, but I will keep singing Hallelujah. I will be faithful and walk it as I know that there is a meaning and purpose when God is taking the lead.